For years I've been flooded with emails challenging the accuracy of MadKane.com. At first I did what most publications do -- I ignored them. But as time went by, I realized that something had to be done. So in keeping with recent trends and in the interest of sound journalism, I've appointed an ombudsman who'd like to be known only as "Bud." Here is Bud's first report:
The poem entitled Dubya's Poetic Injustice states that during George W. Bush's Election 2000 campaign, Bush promised to be a "compassionate conservative" and to have a "humble foreign policy." After this poem was published, we learned that Bush was "crossing his fingers" whenever he made those promises, so "they didn't really count." We regret this error.
According to a State of Disunion crossword puzzle clue, President Bush believes that raising twins is even harder than waging war. While Bush did in fact make that statement, he has since changed his mind and now acknowledges that waging war is "an itsy-bitsy bit harder than raising twins." We are sorry for failing to keep up to date on this issue.
In Dubya's Don't Blame Me Song the lyricist itemizes several things as not being George W. Bush's fault, including the jobless rate, 9/11, the mission accomplished banner, and the lack of WMD's. We have since learned that many more things weren't the President's fault and we regret our lack of comprehensiveness.
It has come to our attention that the author of Dubya's Dayly Diary may possibly be an impostor. Further reports will be forthcoming as our investigation develops.
According to an email from Karl Rove to Ralph Nader urging Nader to run for President (published in a column called Ralph & Rove), Mr. Rove referred to President Bush as "Texas Souffle." As far as we can determine, Rove has never called Bush "Texas Souffle," although he says it sounds "delicious." Additionally, Mr. Rove claims that he did not actually send this email. Rove admits, however, that on hearing the Ralph Nader run announcement, he did several celebratory sommersaults.
A song entitled Oh, What A Mis'rable Failure repeatedly refers to President George W. Bush as a "mis'rable failure." As it turns out, George W. Bush is a fabulous success. We apologize for this error and have terminated the songwriter.
A Jan 31, 2004 interview with Vice President Cheney quotes Cheney as claiming (1) to have created more jobs than any prior administration and (2) to have never heard of Justice Antonin Scalia. The Vice President asserts that he was "just kidding around with the interviewer" when he made both statements and that "the interview never took place." After a lengthy interrogation, our interviewer finally admitted that the interview "was only a dream." We would make her apologize, but she's currently in therapy.
The Spinning Song asserts that the Bush administration uses spinmeisters. However, Bush spinmeisters advise us that the Bush administration never uses spinmeisters. We are really, really, really, really sorry.
Please send all questions, comments and complaints to our ombudsman by email to MadKane@MadKane.com with "Dear Bud" in the subject line.
And please stay tuned for Bud's next report.