WORKPLACE RAGE MENTAL HEALTH CENTER OF NEW YORK, PC
O. Y. Workman, M.D., Ph. D., Chief of Psychiatry
Patient File: AT 5703
Patient Name:MadKane.com (Full name is Kane, Madeleine Begun, but listed as MadKane.com at Patient's insistence.)
Patient Occupation:George Dubya Bush Psychic Channeler (Profession is actually lawyer, according to Referring Employer; but Patient denies same and refuses treatment unless listed as George Dubya Bush Psychic Channeler.)
Patient Employer: (Named withheld at Employer's Request)
Health Insurance: Fully Insured
Therapy Session 1 -- September 4, 2001
An unusually difficult first session. Patient was referred by Employer law firm, who has placed Patient on indefinite mental health leave. HR files furnished by Employer report erratic behavior dating back eight months, including:
1. Patient refused to address sundry judges as "Your Honor" on seven occasions, leading to imprisonment for contempt of court and multiple fines levied against Employer.
2. Two months before being placed on leave, Patient stopped turning in daily timesheets used for client billing, despite repeated requests for same. Patient reportedly responded to each request by saying, "Just make something up like you always do."
3. Patient dumped the entire surface contents of her desk into the garbage, including nineteen contracts-in-progress and a litigation file weighing roughly 93 pounds. This required her own trash can plus those belonging to several senior partners. After setting each of the cans ablaze, she commenced dumping the contents of an associate lawyer's desk, until she was forcibly stopped and escorted out the building. (This incident immediately precipitated Patient's involuntary mental health leave.)
On being questioned about these behaviors, Patient manifested hostility and showed no inclination to modify or eliminate same. Patient stated, repeatedly, that the law is a sham and insisted that such actions are workplace appropriate.
When told that Patient's Employer will require both an apology and a promise to cease such behavior as a condition to returning to the practice of law, Patient laughed in a manner that can only be described as menacing.
Session ended abruptly when Patient stated that Dubya was trying to communicate with her and she had to leave.
Therapy Session 2 -- September, 6, 2001
Another difficult session. Patient refused to discuss her workplace, the law, or her own behavior and began shouting inarticulately when asked to do so. Further efforts to deal with this subject matter appear futile at this time.
Patient was equally unresponsive to questions about her parents, her husband, and her family life. Instead of answering these queries, Patient began typing on her laptop, as if in the privacy of her own home office.
A surreptitious glance at Patient's computer screen revealed extremely ungrammatical first person writing about the day's political events, purporting to be the words of the current President of the United States.
Efforts to question Patient about same resulted in an explosive response. Shouting that her "White House pipeline" had been broken, she seized her laptop and, clutching it to her chest, she fled this office without scheduling another appointment.
Treatment is proving even more challenging than expected. Should Patient return, commence drug therapy to counter Patient's delusional behavior.
Therapy Session 3 -- September, 8, 2001
Patient arrived in an extremely agitated state and without an appointment. A golf engagement was canceled to accommodate this evident emergency.
Patient appeared even more delusional than previously. She repeatedly made difficult to follow and paranoic sounding references to the White House, the IRS, the President, and the FBI. Apparently, she believes she is being followed and audited as a result of her doing her duty as a good citizen and publishing the results of her "Presidential Channeling." When it was suggested that Prozac might help, she lunged at my desktop computer, dialed into the Internet, and forced me to read Dubya's Dayly Diary, her self-published ravings.
"DDD," as Patient refers to it, is a bizarre cacophony of ungrammatical and unpatriotic verbiage, verging on the subversive. Perhaps Patient is not imagining that retaliatory tax audit after all.